Meet Jason Castro. One of two potentially heterosexual contestants on American Idol, Jason was born in the future. While some may think he is an alien, he is, in fact, a half breed human born on Planet Earth during a time when it was a Battlefield of sorts (the Year 3000). Shit was going crazy everywhere and there was a battle between good and evil, probably. These aliens came down to earth, I think, and they started fucking with the humans, saying crazy nonsensical shit, killing the blind, and mouthfucking Tom Cruise's floating skull. Then this big ass scary alien dude with dreds, Marsvolta, banged Jason's mom, Inez Castro, a distant descendant of Raoul Castro. He pumped her in the pooper, so she kept claiming she was a virgin (when she was just, in fact, a vaginal virgin). Everyone heard about Christianity and all that jazz so they thought maybe her son, Jason (initials: JC), could maybe the next "big guy." Wrong! Punked, Society! What Inez and everyone else didn't realize was that Marsvolta had super invasive semen that made its way (a la Stewie in that Family Guy) from her ass to her fallopians. The rest is history: JC was born, seen as a prophet, given a kingdom (Cuba), brainwashed by the Scientologists of the day, transported back to the year 2007 (a la Edward Furlong's character in T2: Judgment Day) to save the world, compete in the American Idol competition, ward off the homosexual advances of his competitors, and become the ambiguously spanish (white) Ben Harper. THE END.
DOUCHE! =
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