The Van Story:
This story has become a local legend with cops telling all their friends.
Our first night in the house I blacked out before we left for the bar. Luke had me taking shots of vodka after we played ride the bus. Little did I know that I would ride the van later. I got to the bar and was pretty incoherent. After maybe 5-10 minutes my friends turned around I had disappeared. This was at midnight. I woke up at 5:30am, hypothermic-level cold and shivering like fuck in a van down by the river surrounded by cops. They were going to charge me with trespassing and breaking and entering, but the woman whose van it was felt bad that I was so wasted (I puked on her bible) that all she wanted was some money to clean the van (and buy a new bible). I gave her 30 bucks and the cops drove me home. The End.
Phew, got away with another one. Me now:
Me in 15 years:
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